So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
