So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
