hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
