sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
