when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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