we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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