Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
