The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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