my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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