first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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