Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
