shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
