Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
