i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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