I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
