So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
