YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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