Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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