Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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