**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
