make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
