god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
