how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
