i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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