Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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