Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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