dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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