yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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