if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
