I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
