i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize