I can text with my tongue
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
