I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
