I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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