So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
