And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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