I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
