tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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