a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
