I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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