On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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