you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
