none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
