I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
