i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
