She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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