it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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