i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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