you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
