Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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