More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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