another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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