i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
