butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
