my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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