I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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