Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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