Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
