can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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