Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
