some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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