my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
