seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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