The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
