last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
