The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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