I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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