i think i have two assholes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
