Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
