I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
